Luciano is not dead, got an email from him today....so now what do I do?
The door was almost closed and now I have to decide whether to open it again or push it shut. The thing is, that I am a pretty firm believer that our paths are set out for us far in advance and each decision we make is merely another step along that path. We may feel that in making certain decisions we are somehow changing our futures but in reality we were always meant to make those decisions in the first place. In that way, there is no such thing as a bad decision. They are all the correct one. I'm just not sure which one I was meant to make yet. Whatever I do decide however, I can feel comfortable in the fact that it was the right one and will push me farther along in my life.
I spent the weekend with Erin and her new little wee baby this weekend. I have learned that as sad as I sometimes get at the fact that I am so far away from a place where I will be able to have one of my own, I am nowhere near ready to take that step. It only took me 2 days to realize that now is not baby time. It's me time. I think before I can love a tiny little human I have to learn to love the human that I am first. I need to find my center before I can share it with someone else.
That being said, he sure was cute! Pictures to come soon.
This weekend was a bit cathartic. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I find myself being intensely humbled and inspired by the people around me. Erin's spiritual connection to herself through her child, Raven and her amazing connection to who she is as a person, a woman, a Haida. These women have a sense of calm and spirituality that I lack. I find myself at a complete loss to find that connection within myself. Time to look deep. I think it's gonna hurt real bad.
Cheers
J
The door was almost closed and now I have to decide whether to open it again or push it shut. The thing is, that I am a pretty firm believer that our paths are set out for us far in advance and each decision we make is merely another step along that path. We may feel that in making certain decisions we are somehow changing our futures but in reality we were always meant to make those decisions in the first place. In that way, there is no such thing as a bad decision. They are all the correct one. I'm just not sure which one I was meant to make yet. Whatever I do decide however, I can feel comfortable in the fact that it was the right one and will push me farther along in my life.
I spent the weekend with Erin and her new little wee baby this weekend. I have learned that as sad as I sometimes get at the fact that I am so far away from a place where I will be able to have one of my own, I am nowhere near ready to take that step. It only took me 2 days to realize that now is not baby time. It's me time. I think before I can love a tiny little human I have to learn to love the human that I am first. I need to find my center before I can share it with someone else.
That being said, he sure was cute! Pictures to come soon.
This weekend was a bit cathartic. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I find myself being intensely humbled and inspired by the people around me. Erin's spiritual connection to herself through her child, Raven and her amazing connection to who she is as a person, a woman, a Haida. These women have a sense of calm and spirituality that I lack. I find myself at a complete loss to find that connection within myself. Time to look deep. I think it's gonna hurt real bad.
Cheers
J
4 Comments:
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I knew it!! I'M a firm believer that you should never go wondering what would have happened if you had done something. You GO to Brazil! You only lost yourself when you left. You might find it again there or you might not, but I think you'll at least find your next step out there in the sweaty jungle.
Maybe I just wanna see more pictures of Brazil.... No, but seriously, I think you can always slam that damn door shut later, but you will never be able to open it again if you shut it before it's all the way open now. What's on the other side might have changed before your eyes.
Joe, Joe, Joe...
you are the most driven women i know. As much as you may think i am centered and strong right now, i can assure you i am so far from that. Everyday i wake up with the solid thought of "just get back in bed and forget the world" but ah ha cant do that with a crying babe.
I love you more than you know, you have inspired me for years. You are so strong and witty( ok double bonus cause i love that word)
You need to do what you need to do, but always remember that i am always here waiting for a snuggle and always up for a cry.
I am blessed to have you, just how you are today. I love you sugar pie.
xoxoxo ebe
By the way, the mamas aren't going to Nagano and Tochigi was cancelled this year. They'll be going to Awaji. :)
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