Greetings readers,
It's been a while, apologies of course.
Today is January 21st. On January 18th I offically aknowledge my 5th month of life back in Canada and not a single day has passed without me wondering if I have made the right decision. I swear to god, not a single day has passed where my thoughts have not either strayed or remained securely fastened on Luciano and Brasil. Was I too hasty, did I let my consumerist upbringings blur my ideas of what is necessary to live happily? I left because I could not see myself living, and bringing up a child in poverty and desperation. But was it really that bad or was my thinking too severely rooted in Canada and my priveledge past? If I would have allowed myself, forced myself, to let go of all the cosumerist garbage that had been programmed into my head over the 26 years would I still be in Brasil now holding onto things more important? This is a question I can't let go of.
I've had people literally tell me that I am "flogging a dead horse" by entertaining the idea of returning to Brasil. What do you think? Am I grasping onto something that can never be? I have to ask myself if I am. Not a single day has passed where I haven't thought about him. Never a week passes without tears, without regrets. I guess I have to ask myself what is more important. Are the concepts of carreer and happiness through material security that I have been programmed to believe the high point of life or is the touch of someone who looks into your eyes with no expections except love more important? Where am I? Where am I going? Is it the right directions? More times than not I feel that I chose the wrong turn in the fork. Maybe it's time to backtrack.
Feedback my dears....
Appreciated and filed....
Cheers
J
It's been a while, apologies of course.
Today is January 21st. On January 18th I offically aknowledge my 5th month of life back in Canada and not a single day has passed without me wondering if I have made the right decision. I swear to god, not a single day has passed where my thoughts have not either strayed or remained securely fastened on Luciano and Brasil. Was I too hasty, did I let my consumerist upbringings blur my ideas of what is necessary to live happily? I left because I could not see myself living, and bringing up a child in poverty and desperation. But was it really that bad or was my thinking too severely rooted in Canada and my priveledge past? If I would have allowed myself, forced myself, to let go of all the cosumerist garbage that had been programmed into my head over the 26 years would I still be in Brasil now holding onto things more important? This is a question I can't let go of.
I've had people literally tell me that I am "flogging a dead horse" by entertaining the idea of returning to Brasil. What do you think? Am I grasping onto something that can never be? I have to ask myself if I am. Not a single day has passed where I haven't thought about him. Never a week passes without tears, without regrets. I guess I have to ask myself what is more important. Are the concepts of carreer and happiness through material security that I have been programmed to believe the high point of life or is the touch of someone who looks into your eyes with no expections except love more important? Where am I? Where am I going? Is it the right directions? More times than not I feel that I chose the wrong turn in the fork. Maybe it's time to backtrack.
Feedback my dears....
Appreciated and filed....
Cheers
J
2 Comments:
My Dear Joe, You have traveled around the world to be with with this man once, i know your heart is hurting, but a relationship is a two way street. You have tryed living there and returned to home, for reasons only you truely know. If life is ment to be with lusiano than maybe he wil have to make a sacrafice for you, as you have for him. You are so wonderful and all i want is your happiness, only you really know where that lies.
ebe
Hehe, don't worry, all that kanji was just a long rant about getting pulled over and ticketed for not stopping at a stop sign, and general complaints about the Japanese school system. I figured it would bore your pants off, anyway.
You and Luc will definitely need to work something out. I'm sure you love each other very much, but unfortuantely that is not the only thing that matters, right? Your life is not just a man, its about comfort, hobbies, friends, and FOOD! And not having killer bugs around.
I chose Tomoya, but I also chose Japan. I didn't choose to stay in Japan just for him. I don't think you'll be able to live in Brazil, and if he isn't willing to compromise somehow, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. There are lots of tragedies and things that should work out ideally (i.e. two people in love), but don't. :( I feel for ya.
We're all rootin' for our favorite Agent in Canada!
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