Wanted: Fairy Godmother to convert Fruitcake to festive short term boyfriend
Ahhh the yuletide season. Precious isn't it...
This year I am feeling quite un-Christmas-y and rather blaze about the whole thing. Could it be the fact that I am super stressed out about the stellar unit plans for my practicum that seem to be trapped somewhere in the my subconscious unable to manifest themselves in any tangible form? Or could it be the fact that I have worked my butt of for the last 2 weeks only to find out that UBC payroll fucked up and I didn't get paid and have no cash for festive consumerism? Maybe it's the fact that I have completely fallen off the wagon and counteracted my stellar weight loss of the last 4 months with beer and nougat? No, maybe it's the fact that I live in a dreary, gray, perpetually raining, sleeting, slushing goo pot of a city where the sun never shines and it gets dark at 4:30pm. Maybe it's a combination of all of the above or maybe it's loneliness...probably it's all of the above plus a sprinkling of loneliness...make that a heaping teaspoon full.
I have a fruitcake to keep me company this xmas...it's a little rough around the edges but it's quiet and doesn't talk back.
"Hello Mr. Fruitcake, do you mind if I go out and stare at other boys?...no! Sweetness! What...aren't you going to say anything? Strong silent type I see. Well at least you're festive and aren't afraid to doused yourself in alcohol"
Ahhh the fruitcake. If only I could convert him into a short term boyfriend, just for the holidays. Quiet, non-intrusive, always full of holiday cheer. I would have him buy me stuff, tell me I'm stellar and beautiful constantly and run my bath water for me when I'm so stressed out that I can't function...hmmm I would also make him an expert in the art of high school English lesson planning and house cleaning. If I could just find a fairy godmother to bippity, boppity boo my fruitcake into a handsome, dreadlocked, left leaning, bongo drum playing, overly educated social activist with just enough cash to dig me outta debt and buy me some nice presents I would be damn happy. Then at the stroke of midnight on Jan 1, he would magically transform back into a festive cake. The cake is much better than the ol' standby (pumpkin that is) since I can just pop it back in the cupboard until next year and he'll only get more delicious and, as with all fruitcakes, more mysterious with age.
But seriously, the holidays is depressing me and I can't get my mind off that certain someone in that certain South American country. Ridiculous that I was so convinced that we would be together this xmas. Stupid girl.
Anywho, I have tried very hard to resist the urge to pick on the phone and call him every time I feel said and lonely and although I constantly troll Dave's ESL cafe for jobs down there I have not applied to a single one and that is a good thing for now. Pushing through the sticky residue of nostalgia and a broken heart... it's awfully gooey .
Where's that fruitcake anyway.....
Ho Ho Ho...
God...who the hell am I kidding...
Cheer from a fruitcake fantasy
J
Ahhh the yuletide season. Precious isn't it...
This year I am feeling quite un-Christmas-y and rather blaze about the whole thing. Could it be the fact that I am super stressed out about the stellar unit plans for my practicum that seem to be trapped somewhere in the my subconscious unable to manifest themselves in any tangible form? Or could it be the fact that I have worked my butt of for the last 2 weeks only to find out that UBC payroll fucked up and I didn't get paid and have no cash for festive consumerism? Maybe it's the fact that I have completely fallen off the wagon and counteracted my stellar weight loss of the last 4 months with beer and nougat? No, maybe it's the fact that I live in a dreary, gray, perpetually raining, sleeting, slushing goo pot of a city where the sun never shines and it gets dark at 4:30pm. Maybe it's a combination of all of the above or maybe it's loneliness...probably it's all of the above plus a sprinkling of loneliness...make that a heaping teaspoon full.
I have a fruitcake to keep me company this xmas...it's a little rough around the edges but it's quiet and doesn't talk back.
"Hello Mr. Fruitcake, do you mind if I go out and stare at other boys?...no! Sweetness! What...aren't you going to say anything? Strong silent type I see. Well at least you're festive and aren't afraid to doused yourself in alcohol"
Ahhh the fruitcake. If only I could convert him into a short term boyfriend, just for the holidays. Quiet, non-intrusive, always full of holiday cheer. I would have him buy me stuff, tell me I'm stellar and beautiful constantly and run my bath water for me when I'm so stressed out that I can't function...hmmm I would also make him an expert in the art of high school English lesson planning and house cleaning. If I could just find a fairy godmother to bippity, boppity boo my fruitcake into a handsome, dreadlocked, left leaning, bongo drum playing, overly educated social activist with just enough cash to dig me outta debt and buy me some nice presents I would be damn happy. Then at the stroke of midnight on Jan 1, he would magically transform back into a festive cake. The cake is much better than the ol' standby (pumpkin that is) since I can just pop it back in the cupboard until next year and he'll only get more delicious and, as with all fruitcakes, more mysterious with age.
But seriously, the holidays is depressing me and I can't get my mind off that certain someone in that certain South American country. Ridiculous that I was so convinced that we would be together this xmas. Stupid girl.
Anywho, I have tried very hard to resist the urge to pick on the phone and call him every time I feel said and lonely and although I constantly troll Dave's ESL cafe for jobs down there I have not applied to a single one and that is a good thing for now. Pushing through the sticky residue of nostalgia and a broken heart... it's awfully gooey .
Where's that fruitcake anyway.....
Ho Ho Ho...
God...who the hell am I kidding...
Cheer from a fruitcake fantasy
J
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