40 minutes in Burma and a karmic moment of mass proportions .... Burma Diaries Vol. 1
Greetings,
Well this is a first in my life, I've finally completed my first ever "visa run" being a spoiled international school teacher, I've always had the privilege of having a proper work permit snuggled into the tattered pages of my passport. This time through however, I'm stuck being one of the many ex-pats who have to run across the border every 60 days in order to keep my feet legally on Thai soil. Being that there are thousands of us running around Thailand (many of whom live here on K.Tao) some enterprising business people have made a roaring trade in running people across the border to Burma to have their passports stamped and their multiple entries reset. There are various ways of doing this and after consulting several members of staff here I decided to pay an extra 100 baht for the VIP "Andaman Club" visa tour. The cheaper version apparently requires you to put your life in your hands several times as you scurry across mud and garbage covered hills, battle against an army of overbearing Burmese men who want you to be their wife and then huddle in fear as the super grumpy immigration officers decide your fate.
Instead, the Andaman Club offers a slightly less "crusty" experience.
Our journey begins at 10:15 am with me and my friend and fellow member of the "Koh Tao Receptionists Club" boarding the Lomprayah Catamaran for Chumphon. We managed to score 2 seats and thanks to only having our purses we also managed to skirt the long line of disgruntled passengers wrestling for their luggage as they exited the boat. We were then escorted to our VIP coach to the border (which was actually a pickup truck, but it had A/C so can't complain). This is where the karmic moment kicks in. Me and Nikki are sitting in the back of the truck waiting for " one more man coming" when all of the sudden the door opens and a certain gentleman, we'll call him Mr. P for brevity and discretion's sake, sits down. Now, let me tell you a little bit about Mr. P. Mr. P was a customer at our lovely dive school for several weeks not too long ago. Did his Open Water and his Advanced course, stayed in our accommodations for almost 3 weeks and then ran away from the island leaving a non functioning credit card as a deposit (which of course we only realized once we tried to put it through after his untimely departure). So anyway, you can imagine the look on Mr. P's face when he realized who his partners in Burmese visa running are! I'm surprised he didn't run out to change his underwear since he was clearly shitting himself when he saw me. My greetings to him was of course "Well, well, well, Mr. P! What a coincidence, I hear you owe my company quite a bit of money"
Needless to say, I was texting my boss within minutes while Mr. P pretended he was sleeping in between frantic texts to someone on his phone and wiping his guilt ridden, terrified, beaded brow. Throughout our 3 hour drive to Ranong on the Thai/Burmese border I fielded endless calls and texts from my boss and his contact at the police trying to narrow down a plan of attack to seize the criminal and reclaim our "stolen" course money. I was put in charge of keeping close tabs on him and making sure he didn't run off into the Burmese jungle or hop on the back of a speeding tuk tuk and make his great escape.
Apart from my numerous crime fighting phone calls, the trip to Ranong was pretty uneventful and me and Nikki spent most of it gossiping away about K.Tao much to the disdain of the guy in the front of the car who clearly didn't feel like hearing all the sordid details of our lives.
Once we got to the border we spent 2 minutes batting our eyelashes at two very tired looking immigration officials, had our passports stamped out of Thailand (and Nikki paid a whopping 500bht overstay fine because she was naughty and stayed a day over her visa) and were then golf carted up the pier to our awaiting boat. Yup, no need to walk the 100 meters up the pier here, VIP all the way baby!
5 minutes later we were safe of Burmese soil which disappointingly looked and felt exactly like Thai soil. After giving our passports to smiling Burmese immigration ladies and men we were then shuttled up to the Andaman Club resort for our requisite 40 min wait. I can now officially say I have been to Burma but the Andaman Club is definitely not the "real" Burma. Instead, it's a sprawling resort complete with swimming pool, restaurants, duty free and a casino.
After 40 minutes of filling our backpacks with dutyfree imported chocolate, following Mr. P around to make sure he didn't run away and lounging in the marble floored foyer of the resort we were ushered back to Thailand where the Thai immigration official stamped us back in, asked Nikki to marry him and let us back into the country incident free.
3 hours later we were dropped off in Chumphon city for a fine dinner of KFC (for Nikki) and french fries for me followed by the final leg of our journey, the night boat back to Tao. Unfortunately, my secret identity as a crime fighter came to a quick end when my boss texted me to let me know Mr. P had just wired him the money owed...I will choose to believe it was because of my highly intimidating presence in the car that he felt he had no choice.
As for our boat, unlike the "floating orgy" boat that I took to Surat Thani last time I went to BKK, this boat actually had beds and blankets! Amazing! I managed to sleep the whole way back to Tao and arrived as fresh faced as one can after such a journey.
So here I am back in Thailand for another 2 months until I have to leave again on a little visa jaunt. Wonder where I'll be when the next one rolls around. April 20th...the mystery shall remain.
With that I will once again sign off for now. I am back in BKK in a couple of days but things are looking up and I just might be back here in K.Tao as of April 1st!! Keep you fingers crossed for me people. I deserve a break!!
Cheers from the immigration station
J
Well this is a first in my life, I've finally completed my first ever "visa run" being a spoiled international school teacher, I've always had the privilege of having a proper work permit snuggled into the tattered pages of my passport. This time through however, I'm stuck being one of the many ex-pats who have to run across the border every 60 days in order to keep my feet legally on Thai soil. Being that there are thousands of us running around Thailand (many of whom live here on K.Tao) some enterprising business people have made a roaring trade in running people across the border to Burma to have their passports stamped and their multiple entries reset. There are various ways of doing this and after consulting several members of staff here I decided to pay an extra 100 baht for the VIP "Andaman Club" visa tour. The cheaper version apparently requires you to put your life in your hands several times as you scurry across mud and garbage covered hills, battle against an army of overbearing Burmese men who want you to be their wife and then huddle in fear as the super grumpy immigration officers decide your fate.
Instead, the Andaman Club offers a slightly less "crusty" experience.
 | |
| And we're off! 40 minutes in Burma and you're good for another 2 months in the Land of Smiles |
Our journey begins at 10:15 am with me and my friend and fellow member of the "Koh Tao Receptionists Club" boarding the Lomprayah Catamaran for Chumphon. We managed to score 2 seats and thanks to only having our purses we also managed to skirt the long line of disgruntled passengers wrestling for their luggage as they exited the boat. We were then escorted to our VIP coach to the border (which was actually a pickup truck, but it had A/C so can't complain). This is where the karmic moment kicks in. Me and Nikki are sitting in the back of the truck waiting for " one more man coming" when all of the sudden the door opens and a certain gentleman, we'll call him Mr. P for brevity and discretion's sake, sits down. Now, let me tell you a little bit about Mr. P. Mr. P was a customer at our lovely dive school for several weeks not too long ago. Did his Open Water and his Advanced course, stayed in our accommodations for almost 3 weeks and then ran away from the island leaving a non functioning credit card as a deposit (which of course we only realized once we tried to put it through after his untimely departure). So anyway, you can imagine the look on Mr. P's face when he realized who his partners in Burmese visa running are! I'm surprised he didn't run out to change his underwear since he was clearly shitting himself when he saw me. My greetings to him was of course "Well, well, well, Mr. P! What a coincidence, I hear you owe my company quite a bit of money"
Needless to say, I was texting my boss within minutes while Mr. P pretended he was sleeping in between frantic texts to someone on his phone and wiping his guilt ridden, terrified, beaded brow. Throughout our 3 hour drive to Ranong on the Thai/Burmese border I fielded endless calls and texts from my boss and his contact at the police trying to narrow down a plan of attack to seize the criminal and reclaim our "stolen" course money. I was put in charge of keeping close tabs on him and making sure he didn't run off into the Burmese jungle or hop on the back of a speeding tuk tuk and make his great escape.
Apart from my numerous crime fighting phone calls, the trip to Ranong was pretty uneventful and me and Nikki spent most of it gossiping away about K.Tao much to the disdain of the guy in the front of the car who clearly didn't feel like hearing all the sordid details of our lives.
Once we got to the border we spent 2 minutes batting our eyelashes at two very tired looking immigration officials, had our passports stamped out of Thailand (and Nikki paid a whopping 500bht overstay fine because she was naughty and stayed a day over her visa) and were then golf carted up the pier to our awaiting boat. Yup, no need to walk the 100 meters up the pier here, VIP all the way baby!
 |
| Ladies, your boat awaits you. |
 | ||
| Me and Nikki chilling in our VIP lounge on the boat...complete with fake leather couches. No ghetto visa runs for us high class ladies! |
5 minutes later we were safe of Burmese soil which disappointingly looked and felt exactly like Thai soil. After giving our passports to smiling Burmese immigration ladies and men we were then shuttled up to the Andaman Club resort for our requisite 40 min wait. I can now officially say I have been to Burma but the Andaman Club is definitely not the "real" Burma. Instead, it's a sprawling resort complete with swimming pool, restaurants, duty free and a casino.
 |
| Welcome to Burma! Not quite what you were expecting I'm sure. |
After 40 minutes of filling our backpacks with dutyfree imported chocolate, following Mr. P around to make sure he didn't run away and lounging in the marble floored foyer of the resort we were ushered back to Thailand where the Thai immigration official stamped us back in, asked Nikki to marry him and let us back into the country incident free.
3 hours later we were dropped off in Chumphon city for a fine dinner of KFC (for Nikki) and french fries for me followed by the final leg of our journey, the night boat back to Tao. Unfortunately, my secret identity as a crime fighter came to a quick end when my boss texted me to let me know Mr. P had just wired him the money owed...I will choose to believe it was because of my highly intimidating presence in the car that he felt he had no choice.
As for our boat, unlike the "floating orgy" boat that I took to Surat Thani last time I went to BKK, this boat actually had beds and blankets! Amazing! I managed to sleep the whole way back to Tao and arrived as fresh faced as one can after such a journey.
 | |
| no need to spoon with the stranger next to you on this luxury liner! |
With that I will once again sign off for now. I am back in BKK in a couple of days but things are looking up and I just might be back here in K.Tao as of April 1st!! Keep you fingers crossed for me people. I deserve a break!!
Cheers from the immigration station
J
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