Koh Tao Confidential Vol 2. - Island Fashion Files

Greetings followers

Houston, we have an apartment! There's nothing like the 11th hour to bring on a vacancy. As of tomorrow I will be an official K.Tao resident, at least for a month that is. I managed to score what seems like the last apartment on the entire island. It's not quite what I was looking for but it will do in a pinch and I have from my return on the 21st until the 6th of February to find something that I might like a little better. But for the time being I'm happy that I'm not on the first boat out of here tomorrow morning with the rest of the poor homeless souls of K.Tao.

Anyway, last night as I weaved my way through the evening's participants in the ever sloppy "Koh Tao Pub Crawl" on my way to meet friends, I was struck with endless inspiration for today's post. The pub crawl is a recent addition to the island's nightlife and it is at times like these, when the island is virtually teeming with  international twenty-somethings, that an old broad like me has a chance to observe these mysterious creatures in their somewhat native habitat, - that, being drunk in a bar. Like all animals, when placed in a situation with a high probably of mating, both males and females display intricate courtship routines consisting of complex dances and mating calls but also of  elaborate visual displays of plummage and furry finery. With the twenty-something island tourist, this visual display is most interesting indeed. Faced with the contents of their 45 litre backpacks, the aforementioned individuals must choose what they deem to be the outfit with the highest probability of attracting a member of the opposite sex. And so I bring you the Koh Tao fashion files...that being said, I did not actually take pictures of any of the perpetrators (I am after all a kind princess, not an evil one) so you'll have to use your imagination.

Exhibit 1: The "One Direction" Direction

Interestingly enough Koh Tao fashion, especially with young European men, has evolved since my last visit 6 months ago. In June of 2012 the island was awash in men wearing fluorescent nylon swim shorts in what I could only interpret as a non-ironic fashion - pink being one of the most popular colours. Surprisingly, but thankfully, this trend seems to have been short lived and sadly, the island seems fluorescent no more. Instead, things here seem to have taken a new "direction" indeed. Seems like everyone's favorite British pop sensation "One Direction" has had a heavy influence on Koh Tao's fashion landscape. This of course is in no way an improvement over the pink shorts, in actuality, the One Direction flavor of the island is much more pungent and ubiquitous.

And one of these guys' name is Harry Styles??? How ironic.

Now of course you need to use your imagination and "summerize" these outfits to make them more K.Tao friendly but this is pretty much what 80% of the British male tourists on the island are touting. Just imagine those pastel skinny jeans cut above the knee and cuffed and replace cheezy coloured blazer with a cheezy coloured vest top and voila! Welcome to K.Tao circa Jan 2013.  From what I have witnessed at the local bars, the young ladies seem to dig the pastel tappered shorts. Perhaps the "bucket goggles" make all those who wear them look like a boy band hunk.

Exhibit 2: High "wasted" shorts
Ok, I get it, you want to be hip and cutting edge and wear what you see on the "American Apparel" plastered bus stop in your home town but I'm very sorry 99.99% of you, high waisted shorts are a BAD idea. the only people who can pull these off are supermodels and I bet they are photoshoped anyway.

I'm sorry, but most of you don't look like this. If you did this entry would be unneeded.

Unfortunately, just as the young male travellers seem to think that pastel tappered shorts are a good idea, many a travelling lady seems to think that high wasted daisy dukes are the ticket to snagging a One Direction wannabe. Strangely enough, as I feel that I'm drowning in a high waisted nightmare, the boys in shorts seems to dig it. If they are lucky, they might even snag a beauty sporting a bedazzled or sequined pair. SCORE!

Exhibit 3 - who needs a shirt when you can just wear a bra

Thank you Amy and Chloe for taking one for the team and modeling yet another K.Tao  fashion faux pas

Even better, I have seen more than one instance of "who needs pants when I can just wear underwear" which is even worse. More disappointing is the fact that most of those guilty of the above two crimes should most definitely not be wandering around in their unmentionables.What ever happened to leaving things up to the imagination. I seem to instead be surrounded by a very real nightmare. 

Exhibit 4 - The old backpacker standby

Anyone who has been to Thailand, especially down to the islands, knows the foolproof backpacker uniform. This has not changed in the 4 years I have lived in Thailand and I'm sure that it hasn't changed since many year before that. It consists of the following:

Any one of these "authentic Thai" tank tops. Singha and Redbull being the most popular.  Paired with a pair of swim trunks, most usually in some garish brightly coloured pattern and then topped off with conical hat

. "Stupid tourists, take that hat off or suffer the consequences"

Of course, to make any of the above outfits truly authentic one needs to be covered in a thin coating of sand and remnant glow in the dark paint from a full moon party several days earlier. 

And so you have it. A small taste of the fashion habits of the 20-something flashpackers of K.Tao. God have mercy on all of us, Amen.

Cheers from the fashion faux-pas

J