The Ins and Outs of Bangkok - Bangkok Diaries Vol. 3

When people think of Thailand, they most likely think of lazy days in the sun, tuk tuks down palm tree lined roads and a generally laid back way of life. For most of Thailand this is in fact the case (of course I’m generalizing here but, in general it’s the case). This is not however the way things work in Bangkok. Like any major cosmopolitan city Bangkok is fast paced and ever changing, and like any major Asian city, it is full of a middle and upper class folks desperate to follow the latest trend, purchase the latest gadget and show off their wealth (whether real or not). So I wasn’t surprised to see how things have changed in Bangkok. In a city that never sleeps trends come and go in the blink of an eye but not before every person with an income above 100 dollars a month has attempted to buy into it. Once it has permeated every inch of Bangkok’s existence, it then quietly (and quickly) sneaks off into obscurity just in time for the next big thing to appear and the endless cycle of consumerism to continue on unabated.

So without further ado, I bring you the “ins” and “outs” of Bangkok. Having been away from the Big Smog for almost 7 months, I found myself having to readjust to a whole new world of “must haves” and say goodbye to a few things I thought would never leave.

IN: EST

Apparently Thailand has been invaded and slowly taken over by EST cola and its affiliated beverages. No longer can you pop into any local restaurant or 711 and buy a bottle of pepsi (not that I was a fan in the first place), instead, the shelves are packed floor to ceiling with EST. Apparently the Thai company that was the holder of Pepsi’s bottling license in Thailand decided it was time to give the “taste of a new generation” the boot and start their own soda company. Because they hold the license to most restaurants and many shops in town, pepsi just suddenly began to disappear and EST appeared in its place. In this way, it was more of a soft drink Coup D’etat then an actual shift in consumer interest but now that the everyday cola drinker can no longer quench their pepsi cravings, they have migrated, if by nothing more than force, into the waiting clutches of EST. Being clever business people the EST people have accompanied their cola Coup with a inescapably ubiquitous advertising campaign splashing is sugary cola coated catch phrases and celebrity endorsers across every billboard, MRT station and TV in the nation. It’s marketing at its finest and Thailand seems to have eaten it up.  Curious about the merits of this new cola kid on the block (and unable to find anything else to drink) I bought a bottle and must admit I was rather disappointed.  Coke or Pepsi it is not, but when there is no other options available, I guess it will have to do.  Luckily for me Coke Zero is still pretty easy to find, hallelujah.

OUT: Methol Inhalers

When I lived in Bangkok there was seldom a moment that passed without me noticing a Thai person walking around with a plastic inhaler sticking out of their nose. These small white tubes (similar to a lipstick tube in size and shape) were so often nestled in the noses of Bangkokians (on the street, on the train, on the subway, walking down the street, at the convenience store…you name it) that  it no longer seemed strange to look across the train car and see someone with a white tube sticking out of their nose. No hands needed, simply let it dangle – all the cool kids are doing it. Much to my pleasure, this trend seems to have died out. I have only seen maybe 2 people stealing quick huffs from their inhalers on the train and they seemed to be doing so quite discretely. I never tried one myself but I guess it wasn’t as good as it seemed since the craze is apparently over. Nostrils of Bangkok can breathe a sigh of relief (no pun intended)

IN: Furby

Yes, you read that correctly, Furby, that early 90’s furry little toy has finally made it to Bangkok and has created an absolute Maelstrom of consumerist frenzy. People are paying hundreds of dollars for them and then taking endless amount of photos of themselves with their newly acquired furball and posting them all over facebook. I don’t get it, even my tattoo artist has pictures of himself with a freaking Furby online. Considering the absolutely ridiculous nature of this trend I feel it will die out sooner rather than later and Bangkok’s elite will be left with nothing more than their “furby and me” albums on Facebook and their overpriced, collection of 90's throwback toys.

OUT: California WOW Fitness Centre

As many of you know I became a bit of a gym rat while living in Bangkok. Seldom did a day go by that I couldn’t find me at the gym kicking the crap out of a Thai man half my size. Like most of the exercise minded foreigners in town I worked out at one of California WOW’s many fitness clubs in town. These were posh 5-star gyms that offered pretty much everything you could want in a gym. Several floors of cardio, boxing rings, 1 or sometimes 2 aerobics suites with classes running every hour, yoga, steam rooms, etc. etc. What they also offered were “lifetime” memberships. Pay 300 bucks up front and you would be welcome at almost any California WOW club in Thailand for the rest of your life as long as you paid the 3 dollar renewal fee every year.  Now remember ladies and gentlemen, this is Thailand, the land of absolutely NO foresight so California WOW soon found itself in a situation where their clubs were packed full of people, none of whom were actually paying any monthly membership fees. You can imagine where this is heading. Pretty hard to pay the rent, wages and bills on yearly earnings based on 3 dollar membership renewal fees. As I was leaving last year the clubs were slowly starting to shut down one by one. Upon my return, only one remained and it was in pretty paltry shape. Long gone were the days of a VIP fitness experience, now all that remains is broken down equipment and barely there air-conditioning. That being said, I was still carrying my lifetime member card and felt quite happy doing my daily run on a somewhat broken down treadmill since it was still…you got it, free.  My friend Op who has, along with most of California WOW’s clientele, migrated to the much more expensive but equally posh Fitness First signed me in as a guest one night so that I could at least get a taste of what it was I was missing. No doubt about it, I’ll be signing up when I move back…whenever that is.

IN: Velvet Bowler hats with ears

Now this is a weird one. Apparently the latest fashion craze among Bangkok women are velvet bowler hats that come with little kitty cat ears built in on top. This is clearly a very Asian craze (since it’s all about looking cute…and by cute I mean, ridiculous). I wouldn’t be surprised if Japan has jumped on this one as well (or perhaps they even invented it). Regardless, the streets of Bangkok are now crowded with “cat women” in velvet hats of various colours. The markets are full of them and everyone and their grandma are crowded around the “cat hat” stall clawing and scratching to be the next velvet eared minx on the block. To all the farang men who are looking to score yourself a lovely Thai lady, be warned, she now comes complete with kitty ears.

IN: Cars, cars, cars and more cars

If you thought Bangkok traffic couldn’t get any worse, think again. Apparently around about the time I left last summer the government changed some laws that pretty much enabled a whole new strata of people to purchase cars. I’m not quite sure what it involved, something to do with a tax break or grant or something for first time car buyers. Regardless of what it was, there are now approximately 1 million more cars on the roads in Thailand. Considering a huge chunk of the population lives in and around Bangkok that means close to 1 million more cars crammed into the already plugged traffic arteries of the world’s most congested city. Thank goodness for motorcycle taxis…that being said, even they get stuck in traffic now. As with all things Thai, these changes in laws were clearly passed with a great deal of forethought on the part of the government. Sigh….some things never change.

IN: Mansome

Well it’s about time that some of these trends were geared towards the “fiercer sex”. Mansome is some kind of new drink on the shelves of local convenience stores that is clearly geared towards men looking to self improve. If the name has any truth to it, apparently this tasty elixir will make you both more manly and more handsome…it will make you “Mansome”! I have yet to try it since I’m afraid it may make me grow a moustache so we’ll just have to take the advertising for truth and praise this new gift to women of them world. Gentlemen, get your mansome on.

OUT: protests, natural disasters, social chaos

This year has been very quiet in Bangkok. No floods, no red shirt riots, no coup d’etats, no news worthy illnesses affecting the King. The poor chaps at The Regent’s School have actually had to work a full year without an unexpected holiday.  Now there’s a first!

And so there you have it, a few of the ins and outs of today’s Thailand.  Hope you enjoyed.

Cheers from the trend setting capital of the world

J