Fifty Shades of Shite

    Forgive me readers for I have sinned....


Unable to resist the alluring and mysterious appeal of hyped pulp fiction I crumbled and went out and spent 17.50$ of my hard earned cash (ironically earned teaching literature) on E.L James' mega hit "Fifty Shades of Grey".  I then spent the next 3 days slogging through each chapter desperate for the torture to subside but adamant that I would read until the bitter, atrociously written end because it had cost me the equivalent of 4 cafe lattes at Starbucks
Considering the endless hype about the book I was expecting that it would at least offer a smattering of literary value, sadly, it did not. Now I know you're probably thinking "Oh well she's a literature teacher so of course she wouldn't appreciate supermarket fiction - what else would a book snob say about it".  WRONG!!! I spend all day teaching the classics and books that take me weeks to rip apart and then reassemble in front of a class, so when given the opportunity to sit and read for fun, I without hesitation reach for the Sookie Stackhouse novel over "Anna Karenina"  every time. I can therefore say that my brow treads but high and low and feel more that qualified to state that beyond a doubt "Fifty Shades of Grey" is utter crap. 
Culturally I find the whole phenomenon very intriguing. Middle aged women the world over are clawing at each other to be the next to own a copy of this "thrilling" erotic tale of possession and control. Once in their eager grasps they settle into their LazyBoys after the kids have gone to bed and daydream about finding their own Christian Grey. Firstly, these women's lives must be terribly boring if they are daydreaming about being controlled by a jealous stalker possessive freak and having sex which seems to only take 10 minutes and requires intermittent italics "...holy shit!!..."
When it come to the merits of E.L James as a writer, well let's just put it this way, twelve year old girls of the world rejoice because you too can become a multi million dollar author. Just don't forget to put in lots of italics...holy Shit!
Alas, "Fifty Shades of Grey" says more about its reading demographic than it does about BDSM (which is has of course gotten completely wrong). 
Middle aged men of North America, watch those Christmas stockings for I fear many of you may receiving a flogger as a special treat this coming holiday season, hint, hint...holy shit!


Cheers from the "Grey Room of Pain" A.K.A reading that horrible piece of trash.
J